We all experience “defeat.” The best hitters in baseball are successful only about a third of the time. The best soccer players might score once every other game. The important thing is to get up to bat and to be in the game. You can’t hit if you don’t swing, and you can’t score if you’re on the bench.
Moreover, success is a matter of small amounts. The horse that wins its race by a nose gets the same purse and prize it would have received if it had won by six lengths. First is first, it’s not measured by degree. And that first place finish is worth about 10 times the prizes awarded to the second-place horse. But the winner didn’t have to train 10 times as hard, have 10 times the investment, or run 10 times faster.
It just had to win by a nose.
On the golf tours, the first-place prize is often in the millions, and tends to dwarf the prizes for second through 10th places. But do you have any idea of the difference in strokes per round between the winner of tour events and the 10th-place finishers? How many strokes difference, per round, do you think it takes to be first rather than 10th?
Less than one stroke per round, that’s how many.
My point is that there is a razor-thin line of demarcation between winning a proposal and it being rejected, and that you can turn things in your favor by following my system and processes to enhance your odds. (I’m actually writing this segment in Las Vegas at the Bellagio Resort, and the smart thing to do in the casino is to play games least in the house’s favor and most in your favor. Blackjack is good, roulette is not.)
No matter how well we play the game, we sometimes lose. An unattributed quote that I particularly like:
You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out. But you have to suit up for them all.
So what happens when you’re rejected? Here are the absolutely critical factors you need to consider to avoid thinking and acting as if it’s a disaster:
1. Don’t take it personally.
Let me put that another way: Don’t take it personally! This isn’t about you, or your worth, or your beliefs. Don’t generalize from a specific, as in, “My proposal was rejected after all this work and time, I must not be cut out for this work.” Use the points below to extract worth and value and improve.
2. Find out why.
Ask your buyer if he or she could help educate you so that you can improve in the future. Don’t be defensive, and never accept, “Oh, it wasn’t you and it was close, it could have gone either way,” from someone trying not to hurt your feelings. That doesn’t help your learning. Ask this critical question, “What is the one thing I could have done differently that might have resulted in my getting the project?” Find out if it’s something you said, or didn’t include, or misquoted, or failed to understand. Then make sure that doesn’t happen again. If you find you’re getting the same feedback after several failed proposals, then you’re just not listening.
3. Ask for future consideration.
You’ve built a fine relationship and reached the “finals” of this event. Why throw all of this away just because you didn’t win this particular race? Ask the buyer if he or she would consider you for similar work in the future. They may well be quite happy to do so.
Case Study: Barbara’s Timing
I was mentoring Barbara, who sent me three proposals that had been rejected over the course of two months. Each had some common problems, such as insufficient expressed value and poor options to choose among. “What should I do?” she whined. “I just don’t seem to be able to master this!”
“I’d suggest you send me the proposal before you submit it, not after it is rejected.”
She did that, and closed her very next deal for $80,000. Never try to fix what you can prevent in the first place.
4. Ask for permission to stay in touch.
Another way of extending the relationship is through periodic contact. (How else would Point 3 above really work?) So ask if it’s agreeable to:
- Put them on your mailing or newsletter lists.
- Check in with them after the current project is under way. (Sometimes an alternative resource fails quickly, and the client has to scramble to re- cover the situation. You could serve as the “relief pitcher.”)
- Have them consider you as a sounding board on occasion if they need some assistance from an objective source. (A little “free consulting” might get you back in the door.)
5. Ask for referrals.
This sounds completely crazy, I know, but I’ve discovered a fascinating dynamic: You’ve established a strong relationship with a buyer, who may feel a bit guilty in not selecting you. This request provides some expiation and atonement. The buyer will often say, “You’d be just right for a colleague in marketing,” or, “I know they’re looking for help in R&D, call Moe Adams. . . .” It can’t hurt, and it often results in a high-quality lead.
All of these steps assume a solid and trusting relationship with an economic buyer who happened to choose another resource for the work. That means that your opportunity to ask these questions and suggest these actions will be successful, because phone calls will be returned (don’t use e-mail, for the reasons we’ve discussed earlier—make this as personal as you can—and in person is best because the buyer will be even more eager to be conciliatory).
Learn from your defeats, it’s what they study in West Point. If you’re not failing, then you’re not trying. But if you’re making the same mistakes over and over, then you’re on a treadmill to doom.
Hop off that track and land on your feet.